Particularly distressing is if pleasurable contact was coupled with a traumatic experience. This often happens with sexual or physical abuse. Over time, the events become fused and the overall message is "If I want to be close to someone, I will expect some harm because that is what I am familiar with. If I lose the violence, I will also lose the connection." This double bind is incredibly confusing and deep-seated. Feelings of shame and guilt leading to isolation are common experiences. It is not surprising, therefore, that survivors of violence often struggle with forming deep, intimate relationships due to the intense rupture that has occurred.

Trauma infringes into our deepest sacred space, tearing into the fabric of our whole self. Our personal boundaries are invaded, filling us with our raw vulnerable emotions. Experiences of trauma essentially call into question our basic human connections, both with ourselves and with others.